Imagine this scenario: you have plans to see a movie on Sunday with a friend and her daughter. The Saturday morning before she tweets that her daughter threw up in the morning and had a fever. What goes through your head?
In my case it was oh no that’s too bad, guess we need to reschedule our plans. So I tweeted to her that S too had been feeling under the weather on the Thurs and Fri and had stayed home from school and dance to rest. I tweeted to her that we had plans that Sat night and Sun so I wanted to her to get rest and feel better.
Friend tweeted back and said
“aren’t your Sun plans with us? I can keeper away from ppl at the movies in case she has a virus”
I tweeted back and said
“um yes…but if she’s got a virus I don’t want us catching it either…”
Readers, apparently that sentence there that I wrote was very condescending to her. Which to this day I don’t know why. Well from there the whole thing just escalated in her stating I was rude, and often am rude and I should’ve just ignored it and walked away.
She was actually condescending to me by stating to me that “even patiently explained why, very clearly. You are in fact often rude. Other ppl would ignore and walk away.” Um no she was not patient nor did give me any explanation.
I am beyond angry here. This was someone who I invested a year in being a friend; finding her a rental home, introducing her daughter to a great school, listening to her complain how she has no friends nor her daughter, listening to her complain how husband treats her like shit etc etc etc.
Please tell me readers was my inital response to her condescending? I am at a loss here.
By her own admission she actually stated before that she has trouble maintaining friends. I can see why now. She has no regard for feelings of others, she sees things in black and white only, is completely self centered. She actually tweeted once that she pours her heart and soul out on Twitter but no one responds back to her with any advice. Yet that’s all we do is respond to her neurotic tweets about leaving her husband, how she gets no time for herself, how she needs snow tires and doesn’t know what to do etc.
I am so angry about this whole situation. Angry that I can let someone treat me like shit when I have treated them with nothing but kindness; even having my husband help install her car seat because they could not do it themselves.
Those of you readers who have known me for long please tell me if I was rude or condescending?
I do not think what you said was rude. I don’t know how many times my best friend and I have said that to each other over the last couple of years when dealing with the kids. And I don’t know any mom who would want her kid near someone who is just getting over something. A sick kid is not fun to deal with : )
Thanks Lindsey
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Lindsay, there is nothing at all wrong with staying away if one child may be sick. Nothing. The rude part is the constant, “um. . yeah!” and “excuse me!” and “geez!” The rudeness is the tone, the attitude. . .it is fine to say, “just in case your daughter, who vomited in the middle of the night but no did not have a fever (one of the many wrong things in this horrible post), is sick, let’s reschedule.” Nothing wrong with that. Answering a question with, “um. . yeah” <- it is sarcastic, condescending, and easily ignored if done once or twice, but to always speak to a "friend" in that manner? Who needs enemies when you have assholes like that around.
It's not respectful, but I'm sure doesn't even realize that. Speaking about her as if she isn't even reading this is also disrespectful. . but she does that to people not realizing it is what is referred to as, "passive aggressive." She does not realize how rude she is. Other people, when encountering such a rude person, would walk away and not be close to her. I am not one of those people, I tell them.
Perhaps neuro-typicals (I am austistic), especially those of low intelligence, do not react well to direct and honest responses to their behaviour and perhaps I should no longer be so upfront and kind and patient and honest.
It is also horrible to publish someone's LOCKED tweets, their personal info, the stuff they share when they are at their absolute lowest, and depressed. If you ended a friendship how would you feel if the person turned around and TOLD THE WORLD on an unlocked blog post all your secrets? Meanwhile not sharing that they do the same. Notice this post is all about me, my personal info, and not hers??
. . .I will refrain from sharing all the personal info she has shared. I will not go down to that level.
What a shitty person.
When she wrote, on this blog, how she and her husband laugh at those tv shows of women going through natural childbirth, laugh at their screaming and pain, I should've known there was something seriously wrong. My fault. And btw, sending me a link to a rental posting — you want to consider yourself some sort of superhero for that? Go right ahead! I also made a pie from a recipe you posted, big fucking deal. And the carseat was installed and I had a new one coming in two days, which btw we installed just fine. You INSISTED over and over that I come over. I didn't want to come over! I did it cause you wouldn't stop insisting.
That is me being rude.
I didn’t insist on you coming over I mentioned once to come by because you said your carseat was not properly secured and your son Oliver didn’t enjoy it
I didn’t write your name on the post either, nobody knows who you are.
Yes I spent several nights looking for rentals for you because you were unhappy in your rental home. I did that out of the kindness of my heart not because I wanted a medal. Btw making a pie from my recipie isnt the same thing.
Didn’t know you claim to be autistic now? You mentioned Aspergers.
My husband has never watched a childbirth show, not sure where you got that info, and perhaps you should link to that post so ppl can read it in its entirety and not out of context like you write
I didn’t know saying geez or excuse me was condescending? Nor have I said that to you constantly!
I don’t need to bring up my feelings about other aspects in my life bc I already do so on this blog! This post was how I was treated by you, Athena!
You btw tweeted that at 5am threw up and had a fever! Want me to post that too???
Oh and yes I do share all my feelings for people to read exactly in this very space MY BLOG! So share away what I tweet because my tweets are not locked and Ive already written about them here for the last 6 1/2 years
This post / feud between you two makes me sad. Firstly, Aspergers is on the Autism Spectrum, so a person with Aspergers could totally say that they have Autism. Also, the number one characteristic of people with aspergers is that they have EXTREME difficulty responding to social stimuli and friends. They take things literal, do not understand sarcarasm etc.
That’s all fine & dandy but even then she has taken this to a whole new level! I stand by my what I wrote. At no point was I ever trying to be condescending today or ever. She completely derailed me and my friendship towards her. She states she has a hard time maintening friendships I can see why.
And for her to then tweet later today that I am ignorant and of low intelligence and how she tolerated me because stupid ppl are ok is just plain mean and spiteful.
She deserves to live a lonely life because she sure as hell doesn’t appreciate the friends she has.
Believe me that I am also sad and hurt. I truly enjoyed her friendship which is why this caught me completely off guard. I have felt sick all day bc of it. My true friends know the real me and it is not who she has painted me out to be
I don’t think you were rude at all. But the problem with communicating in writing, is that it leaves out so many things that help convey your intent. It leaves a lot for interpretation, and sometimes that goes the wrong way. I’ve been in the exact same situation and I’ve had a friendship fall apart as a result of it. I’m sorry to hear this happened, have you spoken live to her since it happened?
No i haven’t spoken to her live. I think it’s up to her to reach out to me if she wanted to. Me, I’ve decided to move on!
, hopefully they’ll still enjoy talking on the phone like we did when we were young!
You are right about communicating in writing it does leave out so many important things like facial cues. Ahhh the new way of communicating now I guess. I feel sorry for our kids