Its tough writing in this spot when in my life I feel I’m barely treading water. Oh you wouldn’t notice it if you knew me in real life. I go about my days acting happy and postive on the outside but inside I barely go a minute without thinking about my dad in the hospital. Being an only child of divorce means it’s only me going to the hospital. Working full time and having two small kids to take care of means I can’t go everyday as I did in January and February. So I go on the weekends. And lately I’ve been making my husband go because I just can’t do it. It rips me apart seeing him there, unhappy. We’re not even on a waiting list for a nursing home as the 2 times we’ve applied he’s been denied due to an anti psychotic medication he was on. I found a home that may accept him so we had to do another behaviour analysis and reapply. That was 3 weeks ago and still nothing. And even then when he does get accepted it could be another 5 months before a spot opens up. It kills me it really does. Somedays I’m driving home and for a minute I forget and I feel okay and then I remember him and I feel horrible. This is not easy.
The kids are well, L is a chatterbox, quite a difference from this time last year when we were supposed to sign him up for a speech evaluation. He is though a complete germbox! He’s had cold upon cold since starting daycare last September. He’s had his current cold for a month now. It’s become so common for him now, poor thing he probably doesnt remember what it would be like to have be well! S is doing amazing in all her activites, she’s loving school (thankfully!) though that doesnt mean she’s without the drama that goes along with having an almost eight year old!, she’s getting an award in skating for most improved and she just did her RAD (Royal Academy of Dance) exams for ballet. I think the skating is something I am most proud of; she learned to skate at the beginning of 2012 and she’s already learning jumps today. She’s a determined girl. When she puts her mind to it she does it.
The two kids to see together brings a joy to my heart, L looks up to his big sister with love. He greets her every morning and after school with such enthusiasm. Which is good because it helps balance the other 90% of the time that they are fighting!!!!
Summer is coming and we are looking forward to going up to the cottage. Well I am looking forward to it but there’s that whole my dad’s in the hospital thing. I just don’t know how to live anymore without feeling sad or guilty.
I’m trying to post more over here at this site; Notes From Home, where I”m writing about more happy things; eating, drinking, travel, decor. Something that doesn’t drag me or any readers down. So if you’d like head over there to check it out. I promise there won’t be any sadness.