Separation

After 9 years and a day, J and I have separated. This has been a long time coming. For those who have been around here since the beginning; 2005, you’ve read about my struggles. For those on the outside we appeared to be like any other married couple. But as I’ve said, many times these past few months after my decision became known, you never know what goes on behind closed doors. It wasn’t an easy decision. I waffled on and off as to whether I was making the right decision. And then I realized that by me choosing to stay was only to make others happy, not me. I knew right there that by leaving I was doing the right thing, for me.
I knew I couldn’t live anymore waking up to each day wondering how many times we’d fight, how many times I’d get yelled at, how many times I’d cry. Life is short and it shouldn’t be lived unhappily or as a robot.
I’m at peace with my decision and I feel like a can breath now without having a huge weight on my shoulders.
S is okay with my decision. She is happy that there will be no more fighting and we will have peace. There will be a lot of adjustment time for her but in the long run I know we will be okay. L is only 2 1/2 but he too will be okay. Having one happy parent is better than two miserable ones.

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6 thoughts on “Separation

  1. Sheesh. Typed a whole comment then lost it. Anyway… I am sorry to hear this because the demise of a marriage is a sad thing. However, I believe what you do. Children would rather have happy divorced parents then miserable ones together. Thinking of you.

  2. If you’re feeling at peace with the decision (which I know has been a very very long time in coming), I’m sure that you will be happier separated. I wish you and your children the best. Let us know more when/if you can (whether you will move and things like that). In any case, I imagine it must be very hard and I’m sorry about that.

  3. Just saw this now, I’m sorry to hear about it. Having been there I know it’s not easy but if you’re absolutely miserable then you’re making the right decision. Life is too short as you know. Just being able to breath and not having to worry about every single action you make will do wonders for you. It’s a HUGE weight off your shoulders.

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