Looking Back

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and retrospection on myself and what the last 5 or so years of merely exisiting in this marriage has done to my self esteem and self worth.  I’ve been reading past posts and in the last year or so I only wrote one on the state of our marriage.  But now when I think of how we truly lived I see why I don’t value myself at all.  Where others see me as kind and good and beautiful I think they’re only being nice just to be nice and that they don’t mean it.  Yes somedays I do look in the mirror and I see a pretty face or I know that I am a good friend but most days I don’t see any of it at all.

When the person you’re with rarely gives you a compliment and only tells you what you do wrong in life it really does a number on you.  So much so that when someone you know tells you you are stunning and an amazing person you can’t believe it. 

I don’t doubt my mothering skills; in that respect I know I am a great mom.  I see it in my kids.  I just need to stop doubting myself as a person.  It will take time but I know I can do it.

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One thought on “Looking Back

  1. My dear friend, I hope that slowly you can gain back your self-confidence, self-esteem and self-respect. I am so so sorry that you were “trapped” in a relationship that only hurt you. Um abraço.

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